Inspire Me

Inspire Me

Inspire me again with the warmth of your love
Fill my heart and my spirit with song
Fill my night's thoughts with dreams of your kiss
Bring me again to where we belong

Move my spirit to sing of your touch
Look into my eyes with your love
Your eyes ever filled with the truth of your soul
Love's blessing given us from above

Fill my ears with the love of your spirit
Let me bathe in the tenderness in your voice
Fill my heart with the beauty that lives in your soul
In your eyes, let my spirit rejoice

Inspire me again with love's look in your eyes
Inspire me with your kiss on my head
Love me this night as you've loved me forever
Caress my spirit as we share in our bed

Spring Sparrow

Spring Sparrow

I close my eyes and all has changed
The long winter of cold has moved on
The days of darkness that coloured my life
Have departed, now finally gone

The cold caress of winter's grip
Has melted with the sun's heat
The whisper of icy breath on my neck
Now lying in utter defeat

I take courage as the sun kisses my cheek
I take courage, for the worst is now done
I push forward wanting to stretch out my days
I push forward and reach for the sun

I close my eyes and tilt my head
I taste the sweet song of the sparrow
Singing of day's lengthening light
 Promising warmer tomorrows
 

Turn Your Eyes Towards Him

Turn Your Eyes Towards Him

When the sun is clouded by worries and fears
When your eyes are glistening with fresh, warm tears
When the hope that was in you has now disappeared
Turn your eyes towards Him

When the morrow is hazy, and blurred in your view
When the morning grass is not glittered with dew
When your heart is so heavy it can't see what's true
Turn your eyes towards Him

He silently waits for the morning to break
He stretches His hand to heal every ache
He waits for your courage - your burdens to take
For your eyes to turn towards Him

So reach out your hand in courage and faith
Know He's there, He patiently waits
Boldly step out and walk through His gate
And turn your eyes towards Him

What Love is Lost

What Love is Lost?

What love is lost that’s found a home
In two hearts that have loved with all?
What love is not that has lost its way
Yet lives beyond sensibility’s call?

What love is waste though hearts be broken
If true love is its call?
What love is gone that yet lives on
In the hearts that have given all?

Love is not gone when doors are shut
Love is not lost if yet it lives
Love was not for naught if it burns within
Though not welcome, yet it still gives

Give ear to your heart when you lie this night
Give voice to love which yet lives
Give way to the doors which burn to open
Kiss tenderly and feel what love gives

You may close your eyes to love dear lover
Yet love will call you by name
Love ever beckons the hearts it lives in
Where forever love lives and will reign

Grey Days

Grey Days

What of the days where nothingness reigns?
What of my heart when it’s naught?
What of the days with no excitement nor love?
What of the days we forgot?

What of the moments not filled with love?
What of the moments of grey?
What of the moments that despair bids me nigh?
What of these nothing-filled days?

I stand in this place where I am not up nor down
I reach in my heart “so what now?”
I stand here is silence, no laughter, no tears
I stand with no look on my brow

The voice that I long for speaks from within
Telling me that this is my gold
The things I decide to fill my lost moments
Are the things I will cherish once old

I smile at the thought and I think once again
There is a friend who is dearly in need
I walk to the phone and dial her at once
I know that I’ve planted love’s seed

I smile as I know that I’ve done what I should
I smile as I have conquered the grey
I know that the grey days can waste me to naught
But instead I’ve had Love have His way

Rejoice in the moments that are otherwise lost
Smile! make your nothing days shine
Join in a purpose to touch another in heart
Join me in this purpose divine

Bellarina (a repost by request)

After seeing my daughter's first dance recital of the year, I came home and told her how proud I am.  She asked me to re-post a poem that I had written for her eight birthday.  Here I am, the proudest Mommy ever.  :)

For my precious 8-year-old daughter.. she brings dance light and joy, peace and shimmering laughter into my life.

 

 

Bella-rina

Tinkling bells tickle my ear
The sweetest of laughter whenever you're near

Eyes so black, diamonds sparkle within
Shining blessing on all with your beautiful grin

Innocence worn on your precious, dear face
Child-like and hopeful, full of God's grace

My heart is filled when our hands are entwined
I long to hold yours forever, a treasure in mine.

Dancing through life, you twirl and spin
An angel that dances, God's own heart to win

Dance Bella-rina, in life and in manner
God as your path-light, His love as your banner

Goodbye for Now

For those of you who may be in a more sensitive mood, this may not be a good read.

Goodbye for Now

Sweetest of children, I hear your voice
The voice of a precious one dying
Lovely child, rest your sweet head
The sun shines beyond your crying

Harsh winds have borne your spirit here
Yet angels guide your days
Gentle breath of Heaven’s scent
Awaits your ill, tired gaze

Lift your eyes, my precious one, and see
Heaven’s gates are drawing you nigh
Sleep well my treasure I will be with you soon
Let me kiss your warm forehead goodbye

Take me with you in your heart to stay
My love will go with you to Above
Believe in God’s goodness, calling your name
To Heaven bejeweled with God’s love

Be blessed my child, hear His sweet voice
His angels will show you His way
Go to His arms which reach for your own
Be blessed my sweet child, I pray

Let me hold your hand as you take your leave
We'll be together sooner than you know
My heart will always wait to reunite
Give me a kiss goodbye now.... now go....

I love you....

Little Miracles

Little Miracle

Eyes that lock on mine for the first time
Looking at me with love sublime
Piercing my heart, consuming my soul
Tiny, sweet creature, just one minute old

Boring right into the depths of my being
Two little eyes, my very heart seeing
Magic, a miracle, how does she know
To gaze in my eyes and not to and fro?

Evidence of miracles, she grabs with her hand
Fingers locked 'round mine, she takes command
Nursing her, loving her, miracles sure
Created in love, with a spirit so pure

Hoping to Hope

Hoping to Hope

I read a devotional everyday.  Ok.  Well that is the intent anyhow.  I had made the New Year’s resolution to do so.  I have a lovely variety of books to pray with, bible reading and a devotional that I have loved for many, many years called God Calling.  It is a very humble book with loving words pouring out from the pages.  It has always amazed me in the eighteen years or so that I have had the book, each and every single day that I have read from it, it has meant something significant to my life.  EACH time!!  Not only that, but it also has this uncanny little thing about birthdays.  With all of the people that are close to me and have been through the decades that I have had this, it is well-suited to the person that I know that has that particular birthday.  Well there was one person that it did not suit, but that is still a very impressive oddity that this devotional has.  For instance, my birthday is April 19th.  I will only share with you the beginning line of this particular day’s devotion, but here it is:

“April 19 - Life Is A Love Story
You need Me. I need you.”

Could there be words better suited to my life?  I really don’t think so at all.  Would everyone with the same birthday see that and feel that it was so relevant?  Perhaps not, but I would hazard to guess that they would find something within the text of the message that follows that pierces the truth of their spirit.  Those who know me well would know just how much those words suit my life. 

I have not been able to get myself to read this daily so far this year other than the first few weeks and then again for the last couple of weeks. 

Here is today’s passage that followed the devotional and the reason that I decided to write about this wonderful devotional in the first place:

"That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory." 1 Peter 11:7

The message touched me deeply.  He is saying to me what He has been saying to me for a while.  That all of the struggles that I have been enduring over the last while have not been in vain.  That all of this heartbreak and disappointment are part of my journey to a higher calling in becoming who He created me to be.  It is so very hard to stay strong when life is so harsh and many of you know how tremendously I have been hurting over the last six months.  I had a bit of a revelation last week though.  I have known for years that God has called me to minister to the broken-hearted in life.  I have already ministered to many through the last six years who have been broken-hearted, some who’s story broke my own heart hearing. 

As I have wept bitterly since the end of the summer, first at the rude awakening of learning to live with the fact that I am not able to gain control of this ridiculous, deforming disease and then later at losing the man who loves me more than he has ever loved anyone in his life to go to someone who’s life circumstances were better suited to his liking.  I knew the day would come, for only twice in the last two years of our three-year relationship did he tell me that perhaps there was a hope that we would be together, but knowing this did not make losing him any easier than shattering.  It truly broke me in a way that I did not know I could break.  Frankly, I was surprised by the depth of my pain and it was so difficult for both him and for me.  He still loves me and I love him and that is enough to know.  Our story is one of the greatest love and beauty, but he never promised anything other than it was.  On top of that, I have been watching my eldest daughter’s drug addiction spin out of control and I just can’t get through to her.  Such a beautiful child.  Such a shame to have her go through this.  (Although I stand in great faith knowing that she will be completely healed!)

Today I read those words and again He reminded me.  I am not going through this in vain.  He reminded me that part of serving Him to what He has called me to is understanding the broken hearted to whom He has called me to minister.  So here I am.  Broken-hearted.  Wanting to better serve Him and wondering when He is going open the doors again for me to pour out His love on those He places in my path.  Last week, on a very bad day full of self-pity and loneliness, I got it.  I mean, I really, really got it.  Feeling ridiculously stupid, I got it.  I am truly one of His broken-hearted and now, with having lived this and knowing that He will continue my healing, I got it.  I had to live it.  I guess I should be thankful, but I really am not so thankful yet as my heart and emotions are still so raw.  Yet I will thank Him anyhow knowing that He has great plans for my spirit and knowing that He will heal me.  But as for now, I am not a lot better than shattered still. 

One thing has changed for me though.  Hope.  I had lost all of my hope for the first time in my life a few months ago and I did not know that I even could lose my hope.  I am one of those very resiliant people that has ALWAYS had a smile on my face despite the dire circumstances that anyone else would have thought I was in.  No, not me.  I would see, feel and live the harshness, yet I could sing happily as I walked down the street delighting in whoever I was with or just at the pretty sky or nice things in the shop window.  No matter how dark my day, the sound of my children's laughter would melt away the clouds and send me smiling on to the rest of my day.  Sure I would cry when things went wrong but I would no sooner blow my nose and wipe my tears away then the sun was shining over me again.  It was like I walked around carrying my own personal, never-ending bottle of happiness.  All who have known me have always said that it is my smile that is the most touching for it was always real no matter what the day brought me.  I always had hope.  I remember weeping in the basement at the harshness of something my ex-husband had said and a few hours later I was singing with my kids and dancing around the house with them (yes, really, I would do a dance train with them around the home starting from the kitchen down the hall hopping over to the front door area, over to the family room, skipped to the dining room and then would spin my way back to the kitchen with the little ones copying my every step.   Follow the leader to a good Christian kids song was one of our favorite things when they were tiny!)

This time, some time last fall, hope left me.  I stared at the empty balloon that used to be hope, but it was a dead, flattened piece of rubber.  I was finished in a way that I did not know that I could be. I could only stare into nothingness vainly trying to see something better than the physical and emotional pain I was in. I came to realize that my hope had left me and it sent me into an even greater depression.  I was just so sad.

Hardly able to pray, I started to pray for hope.  Just to have my life-long partner of hope back again.  Slowly I heard it starting to whisper in my ear again.  It is still hard to hope some days as nothing at all has changed for me. 

Except my hope to hope and that is a big enough change for me.

For now...

I hope you all have a great tomorrow!!! 

;)

Oh - by the way, if you are interested in taking a look at the devotional that I was speaking of, there is a free online version of it.  Check it out at www.twolisteners.org.  You will have to click onto the “God Calling” tab.  Take the time to read about how the book came to be as it is a pretty amazing story.  Have fun!

Mountains and Meadows

Mountains and Meadows

As I follow in Your footsteps, I wonder why, I wonder why it’s so hard.  Why is it so very hard to go on when Yours is the way that is right?  As I look at the path you have laid down before me, I sigh as I see it is harsh and steep looking.  A climb that will take years, perhaps.  There are no crowds here; there is no one that I can reach out to.  Just the trees, the rocks, the steep climb.  The ground is covered with jagged rock, the path uneven and broken.  I look at my path and then that of my neighbour and wonder why his is a smooth paved road.  No grass, no rock, but bright lights and crowded roads, beguiling me to come and explore.  It looks fun, it looks effortless. 

I sit for a moment as I ponder both paths and look at my steep, jagged road.  I ask the question I have asked a million times before; Why?
I know I must begin this journey, yet I am tired and weary and the way is hard, You have called me to this, yet I sigh.

The loud music blankets all in its path when I see my neighbour’s way.  I ask him to please turn it down a bit, but he laughs and walks away.  I watch him walk as I sit stuck in the place of decision. I sit yet still on this fork in the road, knowing the way I must go, the way that I will go.  My decision already made, I hesitate to take the first step.  “Do I have the courage Lord?  Do I have the strength to make it through more battles, more mountains, more challenges?”  I am tired and weary. 

Guilt over comes me as I realize how heavy-hearted I am as I enter this journey to Your way.  “Oh Lord, forgive me,” I pray.  I don’t want to come to you in such despair.”  I feel Him smile at my prayer.  He knows, as I do, that I will choose His path with or without a thankful heart.  And yet, He tells me to be thankful.  Oh.  Yes.  Thankful.  Ok.  “Well, Lord, I am thankful for the blue in the sky that lines your way.”  It is so blue that the loud lights of the other path are almost no longer noticeable  I take a couple of steps forward.

“Thank you Lord for the courage to choose You when I am afraid of how hard this path before me looks.  Lord, do you have such confidence in me that you believe that I really will make it this way?  Do you see me as smart enough, with enough will power?  Am I strong enough?  Father, it is just so very far and t is so harsh looking.  It is all uphill.  Why me Lord?” I pray.  “Why my Lord do you want me to take such a harsh path?  Either way, I thank you Lord.  I thank you for believing in me when I donut.  I thank you for the faith that you have in me which is so much more than I have in myself.  Thank you Lord.  Thank you more for the little seed of faith that you have so graciously given me.  Thank you for I know that You say it is big enough to start me on the first-few steps of this path.  You say it is big enough to move this mountain before me.”

I walk slowly.  It is not that I am hesitating any more but rather that I am now just wanting to see where I have chosen to go.  The air is refreshing..  I turn around a bend in the path and I see that I am in a beautiful ravine with fresh pine and ;sweet wildflowers filling my hungry nostrils.  My lungs are tickled by the sweetness.  The ground is soft and padded.  Ooh I breathe in deeply to drink in the sweet smells and I sigh in happy joy.  How very wonderful!!!  “Father, why didn’t you tell me???  There was no hint of this beauty when I first saw the path and took the difficult first steps”.  He smiles His silent, gentle smile.  “Because you had to choose:”  I look back.  I am getting further away from the place where the paths split.  I can still see the edge of the tarmac and I can see the blaring lights reflecting off of the smog.  I am sad.  How many people would not know that it is better to fight the fear that almost kept me from taking this road.  My neighbor... just walked away from me laughing and he had no idea of what is here, beyond the bend.  I mean, it does not sound like much.  I don’t even think that my words could offer it any justice.  In the simplest form, of describing where I am, I can only say that I am in a meadow of sweet grass and wild flowers at the bottom of a ravine.  The sun is gleaming all around me, glimmering off of the dancing flowers and dripping from the dew of the sweet grass.  The leaves shimmer as they wave their welcome to me.  The sun kisses my cheeks as I look up and smile.  The dainty, little flowers whisper their happiness in the wind.  Oh how I love this bejeweled place!!!  Oh my!!!  Why didn’t I hear it before??  The birds are sining such a wonderful melody.  They are working together calling out to one another.  I could almost swear that they are singing for me and trying to tell me of their joy and of what lies ahead. 

Oh my.  My path is not so jagged now.  :)  Still it is yet steeper.  I see where the path leads.  I look up again.  How beautiful.  A snow capped mountain with sweet pastel colors coloring the tiers of the heights.  The rich green of the forest is at the bottom just beyond where I am in this meadow.  The trees are strong and robust, full of life and full of healing.  Yes, healing. I know that this forest will not be an easy part of my path, but it is as if going through that tier would bring me to a place of a higher calling and healing that the meadow of sweet grass could not give.  The meadow has offered me refreshment and rest..  My spirit has been restored here and I have learned to listen to His voice here.  How beautiful a place it is.  I ask the  Lord if He would allow me to come back to our meadow of refreshing again as I climb my way further towards the forest.  He smiles.  Is that a yes or a no?.  Does it matter as long as I follow His path? 

I go in faith....
Technorati Tags: faith, hope, sharing life,

One More

One More

How hard it is to patiently wait
How hard it is to believe
How hard it is on the days of grey
When my faith and hope want to leave

How hard it is to whisper Your name
When I have not heard Your voice for so long
How hard it is to cry out the same
To feel Your love in Your song

Hope has tiptoed its way out of my heart
I tried to cleave , but it left
My days, now dark, leave naught to impart
I am bereft here since this theft

I sang my way through many years
Though my days were stained with sorrow
I praised You Lord through many tears
Always believing a better tomorrow

Tomorrow came then came again
Endless days I danced with hope
Slowly my partner left me in my pain
Alone, I no longer could cope

You say “My child,”, “Believe! Believe!”
Your tomorrows are full of My blessing
The reward of those who cling to My Name
In their darkness, my name still professing

“My child be still, Know I am God
I am with you through this dark time
Run yet again, to My arms in awe
I offer you pure love sublime

“Be patient My child, you are almost there
One more corner for you to turn
Do not give up in the end of this battle
It is for your victory I yearn”

One more battle I will serve You Lord
I pray for faith, I pray for hope
Please show me Dear Father that I’m Your adored
Give me Your strength that I might cope

Thank you Father

The Menu Planner

So I finally did it. Cooking is neither a pleasure nor an strength of mine as there have always been people around that would cook instead of me. Isn't that how it should be? I would even go as far as to say that we should ALL be able to afford a hired cook. I actually enjoy cooking once I put my mind to it. it is not the cooking itself that boggles me. it is the planning. Like decorating an empty room is impossibly overwhelming, so is planning a meal, never mind planning one or two weeks worth.

Much to my surprise, I found out a couple of weeks ago that Christine (my sister.. almost nine years younger) always plans her menu for the week on Sunday morning. I really was shocked. The idea of planning specifically what to eat for lunches, snacks, dinners, deserts, breakfasts and whatever else completely shocked me. Really. She laughed at my surprise. She said that it was no big deal and that she would throw it together AND THEN.... she would plan her shopping list from it!!!

WHAT??????????? I had an embarrassing silence on the other end while I contemplated the idea of planning that far in advance. And then sticking to it. I mean.. this is complex planning that involves thinking about food way ahead of time... writing it down.. figuring out what you do and don't have and then after all of that you have to make a grocery list. And then there is all of that cooking.. Not that I don't like cooking when there is a lazy day and nothing to do, but... that is just WAYYYYY too organized!!!!! Planning your shopping from a written-down, well thought out weekly menu?????? WHOA!!! WOW!!!!
Now THAT is seriously and neurotically insane. I mean is that not just a BIT OCD????

She laughed again (yes, at me again) and told me that it was soooo easy and that she cannot believe that I don't have a planned menu. What do you mean? You mean you know other people who plan all of their weekly meals a week ahead of time??? Why would a person want to spend hours pouring through cook books just to write it down and see it on the fridge. People would never usually really use it on a day-to-day basis would they????? I mean it. Really. You mean people look at their little list and say "oh. yummy!!! tonight we are having beef strogenough (and God only knows how to spell that stupid word never mind actually having to MAKE it!!!) (and still in those way-too-organized people's lives they say "but I can't wait for tomorrow because we are having Baked Alaska for desert!!!!"!!!!! i mean really.. you really do that???? And you KNOW OTHER PEOPLE that do that?????? "Try it" she said.

Ok

I forgot about it.

Until I was on the phone with Ruth one evening last week. (my other sister who is TWELVE years younger) "Oh yeah... I keep meaning to tell you something. I forgot to tell you, but did you know that Christine actually PLANS her menu a week in advance AND makes her grocery shopping list from it????? I mean, it really sounds like a great idea and I know that Mommy is all for planning menus even months in advance, (that I know she hardly ever stuck to but "A" for menu-planning effort) but seriously.. I just didn't know that anyone other than Mommy ever did that!!!" Oh. "You use one TOO???????" "YOU HAVE GOT TO BE JOKING ME!!!!!!!!" Are you SEEEErious????

Apparently Ruthie takes it a step further and actually plans for TWO weeks in advance!!!! Oh. My. Gosh!!! How does she not have a panic attack just at the thought of it!!!???? Oh wow!!! I thought it was just a concept pushed by women's magazines (which I NEVER buy, by the way) (unless I am going on a long plane ride) (but never a cooking magazine, just decorating magazines.. another weaker area of mine, but fun to observe).

Ok. So maybe I should try it. I really, really like the idea of sitting down with the computer and making a meal-planning template. I LOVE doing fun stuff like that!!! It will be really efficient and It will have everything you need to have a great menu planner. I can even make it REALLY pretty!!!! AND VERY easy to understand for people that are REALLY new at the concept of meal-planning. (isn't "meal-planning" kind of an oxy-moron, anyways?) Ruth said "Great! If you find one or make one, send it to me".

Oh!! Ok!!! Sure!!! I looooove doing that kind of stuff!!! So off I set myself in search of either finding or creating.....
THE PERFECT MENU PLANNER!!!!!!
It would have to be for two weeks because typically I shop every two weeks for my "BIG shopping" and the other two weeks that fall in between are a replenishing of the staples and fruits that have been used up. In other words, it works for me and trust me... you would not want to pay my grocery bill for the two main shopping visits I make per month!!! (ooowwww.. just the thought of it feels something akin to a kidney stone!!!)

Ok. It has to be in an Excel format.
It has to be pretty
It has to be for two weeks
It has to be pink.
Or pretty blue like Gerry's eyes
It has to have a grocery-shopping column
It really should have all meals in it even though breakfasts and lunches are fairly redundant. It still has to have it because we always have special Sunday brunches.
It has to have "pizza Friday with yummy ice cream" in it for it to work perfectly.
It should have a snack area in it so that I can better plan school snacks for the kids and transfer it onto my grocery list area so that I don't forget to buy them. Not that I forget it that often, but.. I have been known to ... occasionally forget... this minor but important part of shopping. (Oh, sweetheart, mommy's sorry. Don't be upset with me. You can bring something else as a school snack... OH OH OH - you can bring that left-over Jello from two nights ago..... What??? Now you are just being too demanding!!!.... take the Jello and don't whine any more!!!! Or of course; there is always toast that you can make, wrap in tin foil and then unwrap at school.... NO?? C'mon!!! Please Victoria.. honestly... no one is going to laugh at you."

Ok. So maybe there is some sense to planning a menu ahead of time. Oh. And there is even more sense in making your grocery list out of it. THIS is the kid of thing that I should have thought of. I probably did, actually. But then I forgot about it or just didn't like the idea of spending hours and hours every week just thinking about what I was going to have to slave over making later that week. But I must have told my sister's because they are not actually idea-ish kind of people.. they are more the kind that just really.... well... they get things done. (I taught them, of course) (I mean... I practically RAISED them. Kind of) (Cooking, working and kids' activities are WAAAAY too much for one person... especially when we have nail appointments, time at the mall, time for latte and a treat with friends, time to write, time to have a bath every evening, time to email all of my friends, time to post poetry that I write... well you know what I mean.. a VERY single mom has a LOT on her plate and cooking already takes WAY too much time as it is never mind the thought of having to work so hard at planning it.)

Off I am in cyber land. Do you have ANY IDEA how many meal planners are out there???? And do you have ANY IDEA how many of them require a PAYMENT WITH CREDIT CARD OR PAYPAL for you to have???? Why can't people just share their Martha-Stewart-ness with the rest of the world for free??? (Oh - I should have thought to check Martha's website to see what is on there. - Wait. Does she even have a website?) Anyhow. A lot of people are selling their own diets of every kind as a menu planner. I would love that as the menus are already made out for people like me that are just a little bit planning-challenged. (A VERY little bit!!!)

I found a few "OK" ones. Then I found one that I really liked and I knew that I would need to put several changes in it (to start with, it was NOT pink or Gerry's eyes blue!!!) and it was missing quite a bit of what I wanted, but it was pretty good so I used that as my inspiration.

Oh how fun. Now I get to play!! Yippee!!! What a PRETTY menu planner I have in my head!!!! I am actually already very impressed with myself! I fixed it, tweaked it, smiled at it and fell in love with it! I even turned it into a template in my excel areaI Imagine that!! I actually MADE a template. (yes, I am feeling like a proud bird - very pretty bird - preening my beautiful feathers)

Oh. Now the fun stuff is done. I can't focus on making it prettier anymore because it really is perfect.
Time to start to .... plan.
I have often thought that maybe I should be on Prozac or Valume (sp?) or something like that for moments like this. Where I panic.
It really is overwhelming. I mean there are a LOT of boxes on this page!!! 48 meals and snacks boxes to fill in!!! AND a grocery list on top of this.
I wonder if maybe someone gives little workshops on stuff like this.
They should if they don't.

Oh... that is an idea for me!!! Maybe I could hold workshops on how to make everything we use... Pretty... all of the world likes pretty, don’t they? And for the men, I can make a bold, testosterone-filled version with a lot of black, clean lines and VERY easy-to-use, one line instructions. (Because men read instructions as often as they ask for directions, I have noticed). I really think that everyone would loooooove it and for sure would use it because it is prettier than those boring black and white ones that are ALL over the internet. The ones you have to PAY for!!! And mine is for free so not only would they see that I am sooo talented making such a pretty menu planner, but they would also KNOW that I am soooo generous :) They should write an article in one of those women's magazines... not the ones about decorating that I buy but the ones that they like to talk about cooking and recipes and those kinds of things in them). The next very difficult decision to be made is very, very difficult. What cookbook to start to choose from first. I mean, there are FOURTEEN DAYS of meal planning to figure out!! That is soooo much to think about!! FORTY-EIGHT boxes to fill. and it is not like those boxes are just one word. No...

You have to think of ALL of it. Dinner can't be just pasta. It has to be "penne with rose sauce; mixed-green salad with balsamic vinaigrette and apple crisp for desert!!!" As if I am writing a fancy restaurant menu!!! Don't you have to go to school for that anyhow???? I am sure that you do. Or at least some people have. Or should for sure.

I have about thirty (or forty) cookbooks. I know.. cooking is not my thing - well not if it is the rush-hour kind of cooking anyhow. But I really do love cookbooks. And I love cooking when I have nothing else to do at all. Cookbooks are a very nice way to pass an afternoon.
Especially if they have pretty pictures and all kinds of savory recipes to make my mouth water if I would ever make them.

I chose one that is for fairly quick meals ready in less than an hour. That sounds like a good place to start since I have to work around Victoria's dance schedule which is not very compatible with "planned menu dinners"! So I leaf through the pages for about two hours putting little paper markers where I like the sound of the recipe. I must like a lot of them as the book hideously crammed with little yellow and white papers when I finish (I ran out of yellow so I had to switch to white. that really bothers me as it would have been much more pleasant to keep it all in one colour scheme.)

I am so proud. I have selected so many that I will have many to choose from over the next two weeks. (starting Sunday, of course because I can't start a menu planner on a Wednesday, now can I?)

I open the pretty 2-week menu. (it really is pretty - I decided to use Gerry's eyes colour scheme as pink just did not work in this case. Can you believe that?? Pink actually did not work!!!)

I am ready for this. I take a deep breath and smile. Ruthie does this. Christine does this. It is easy. It is REALLY easy they both said. (God, I hope that they are not lying because I am so anxious that I feel like I just should leave it for another day when I feel a little less intimidated by the whole process). Going shopping and just grabbing what I want to is not so bad. So what if we don't always eat all of it. At least we have a great selection of yummy food. And.. most of the time there is school lunch and snack stuff.. ) I have to admit that the idea of "planning" does appeal to me. I mean... there is nothing worse than standing in front of the refridgerator at 4:00 in the afternoon staring at the contents for thirty-three minutes while I try to figure out what I can make again. I do have a solution for that though.. my mom taught me that in days that you just can't get food together fast enough, there is always KD.. Or.. if I am really adventurous, just good old pasta and sauce.

Oh - I love the song playing on the Ipod right now. Air Supply.. Two Less Lonely People. Gerry and I sang it together in Las Vegas in Jan 2007. We always had such a beautiful time together, but that night was particularly precious. It is when I really, really, really knew how much he was in love with me and that his precious, more-beautiful-than-anyone-in-the-world heart of his was truly, deeply and utterly in love with me. I mean I knew he loved me for a long time... but this was the defining moment of the depth of our love. It was a perfect moment in our almost-perfect relationship.

Oh yes. Planning a meal. No.. planning TWO WEEKS of meals. Hmmmm... Oh oh oh I know!!!! I will start with Friday nights. That is so easy.
"Pizza"
No
"Pizza and yummy ice cream"
That's better.
See - I already have TWO spots filled in already!!!
What's next???
Oh - I know. Sunday morning. That is our brunchy meal. Pancakes, French Toast or good old bacon and eggs. Oh no. I have to pick two out of three. Which two should I put? Hmmm... Ok... definitely pancakes (that is everyone's fave and it is Christine's awesome recipe that somehow I think I perfected. Maybe. But it is amazing anyhow.
Ok - let's say bacon, eggs and hashbrowns for the following Sunday. Yippeee!!!!!!!! FOUR - yes - FOUR spots are filled in.
I am soooo good at this!!!!!
Hmmm.... oh. I know... I will put my shakes next. I have to have two a day and Phil says that I should increase them a bit even though they don't taste so good when there is too much powder - kind of drowns out the fruit flavor to me.

Ok.. that helped. Wow... there are still soooo many empty spots. Oh - I can go to the grocery list on the side... Yes. I fill it in with everything that I need so far. It is a bit of a waste of time because I keep an electronic shopping list (Oh I just looove electronic organizers and things like that!!!) ( and the answer is “yes”.. close friends and family do make fun of this little quirk of mine.)

Anyways. Ok. Hmm.. Oh lunches Monday to Friday. That is easy. I will just fill in one box and then copy and paste to another one!!! Yes!! wow!!! that made a HUGE Difference!!! I can do the same for Mon - Sat breakfasts!!! Woohoo!!!

Ok. Lots filled but I really need to think now about what Victoria's dance hours are so I can make easy-breezy meals the nights that we are barely here. Thursdays are the toughest so I will make frozen shepherd's pie one week and frozen chicken pot pie the next week. I looooove Shepherd's pie!!!

Monday is always a hard day just because it is so hectic so I will make easy things that day too with a yummy desert so that we will all look forward to dinner that night. Crock-pot goose on the first Monday night (thank you Gerry for killing the geese and thank you Gerry for buying me the pretty crock pot) and perogis with sour cream and tuna-spinach salad the next Monday.

Wow. That was pretty easy! Oh - and don't forget to add the ingredients on the side in the "grocery" column. And to add desert...

Ok. I think of what I have in the freezer and what I like to cook for Sunday dinners. Mmmm Roast Beef the first Sunday. (Yummy) and Lasagna for the 2nd. I DO make awesome lasagna if you eat it WARM or HOT instead of cold!

Oh and I can make a meat loaf.. and...

Slowly the little pretty boxes fill. I have chosen a particularly pretty font for the menu boxes and an even fancier one for the day and meal headers. It is so pretty now that it is filled in.

I even highlighted a couple of things that I thought I would forget. (still in the Gerry's ocean-coloured-eyes theme, this time I choose a sea-foam green to highlight.. kind of the same green as my eyes.. oh how nice!! Now there is both Gerry's and my eye colour on the pretty menu!!!) (even in a menu we are sooo perfect together) (big smiling sigh)....

Well.. by the time it is all done I think that I spent about four hours in total finding and tweaking the menu that I am using and another two hours pouring over my cook books and another three hours to fill it in.

Oh. The menu really is Very, Very pretty even it if was a LOT (a lot a lot) of work!!! Even my sisters both loved it and are now going to use itformat as their template :)
I like pretty.

'Nite
xox